Kate And William Come To Morganville
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are waylaid on their way to Canada and end up popping into Morganville for a little overnight stay. Why is Myrnin now Merlin and what does Amelie do to warrant such vile behaviour? And where do the royal couple stay? R&R!


**ONESHOT!**

**Lol, this idea has came about because I remember reading in the paper (what a fun life I lead) that our dear royals, Wills and Kate embark on their royal tour of Canada today.**

**Though I have an **_**inkling**_** that Texas is at the **_**complete**_** opposite end of the country to Canada (though the only US geog I know is from the American West in history), I don't care and IT WILL WORK!**

**I don't own anything and I **_**certainly**_** don't own the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!**

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"I am afraid, Your Royal Highnesses, that we are going to have to make a detour on our way to Canada," the pilot announces over the speaker system as the plane is rocked by the thunderstorm that they are attempting to drive through. "There is a large area of land below us, beside a town named Morganville, and we can stop there for the night whilst the weather settles, if that is acceptable?"

The royal couple exchange glances, neither of them sure whether or not they should, before they take the plunge. "Sure, we'll stay there for the night – it's not like it is haunted or ran by vampires, is it?" Kate laughs and her message is relayed by the waiter into the cockpit.

"We are now going to begin our descent into Texas, if you could please ensure you are seated and comfortable, it may take a while to get down to ground level," the pilot continues to announce before shutting off his speaker system to begin his little yappings to himself about how this was a _stupid_ idea and if he kills the future king after the future king's death, the world will always hate him.

…

Meanwhile, in Morganville, havoc is being wreaked. Unsurprisingly, Myrnin is at the heart of it… today, he has succeeded in drugging Amelie to make her hyper and entirely out of control (not an easy feat, he thinks with a proud edge to his thoughts) and he has also managed to make Oliver tap dance his way round town and attempt to kiss about fifteen women who then fought him into a cell where he has been locked away. He has managed to get Claire to dump Shane because they are both on crack and the latter has disappeared into a bar and is probably getting it off with someone, whilst Michael and Eve have been permitted to remain sane simply because Myrnin ran out of drugs…

"Myrnin, you are _going_ to bring my Sammy back _tonight_!" Amelie slurs her words as she motions to her friend with the bottle of rum she has in her hands. "I am _fed up_ (hiccup) of your incessant mentions to me that you are going to get him to come back and then you just don't do it! So, I _demand_ (hiccup) that you do it _tonight_, do you understand?" she continues, and her friend smiles, wondering if he could dare to photograph this because he needs blackmail for her to up his 'allowance' for scientific machinery soon.

"We can do, Amelie," he says in a pacifying tone, musing as to whether _he_ was as annoying as this. He soon disputes this though, having decided he could never been _annoying_, just misunderstood. "We just need to get a couple of things sorted and you need to drink some more rum first, ok?" he continues and she nods, instantly downing the next half bottle in her hand. Then she tries to stand up and is instantly forced back into her seat by the fact that her legs are so unsteady that she can't stand up.

Just as Myrnin is about to leave, a siren goes off telling them that they have uninvited guests in Morganville – little do they know that it is the royal couple of England who have been rerouted on their quest to get to… well, it isn't really a _quest_ but it was the best word that fitted the situation.

"We have about twenty five people making their way into Morganville," Myrnin comments as he reads the receiver of information. Part of him wonders why the _hell_ people would want to come to Morganville, but Amelie instantly freaks and throws her only just opened bottle of rum across the room with a crash.

"The FBI!" she shrieks and begins to sob. "They're after us! They've found out we're vampires! They've been bugging us!" she screams with a certain viciousness to her tone that scares Myrnin.

"I _sincerely_ doubt that the FBI are _walking_ into the town and only twenty five of them to deal with an entire _town_ of vampires," Myrnin, surprisingly, is the voice of reason in the room and telling Amelie what she knows… rather, what she knows when she is sane and sober, something she is _neither_ of which right now. "Therefore… who could it be?" he questions, his internal debate as to the likelihood of it being the FBI causing him not to notice a drunk Amelie staggering out of the room in the direction of the intruders.

…

Whilst Myrnin looks for Amelie, Kate and Will begin to amble into town, their thoughts of it being a tranquil, clean, pleasant environment dashed as they see the dusty, old, rundown town they are actually in. but there is a City Hall that they can see up ahead, so they could ask there as to whether or not there is a hotel in Morganville where they could lodge for the night. All around them, security guards carry guns to ensure that they are not harmed by freaky people anxious to greet the newly married couple (if April still classes as newly) from England. But they don't see a single soul as they make their way down the main roads into the town.

"Honey, where _is_ everyone?" Kate asks as they realise it is a Thursday night and people are usually out getting hammered so that they can miss the Friday night rush.

"I don't know but it seems as if we need to go through the graveyard to get to City Hall," William replies slowly, just as a half crazed woman called Amelie emerges from the graveyard, looking for intruders.

As soon as she spots the royal party, she screams and runs at a human speed (vampire speed was knocked out of the equation after the fifteenth drink) to hide behind a wall before looking at them properly. Here, she realises that they are _not_ the FBI, but rather…

"Oh my God!" she squeals in delight as she realises that _William and Kate are in her town_! "It's _you_!" she continues, rushing out from behind the wall in pure ecstasy as she looks at the bemused couple.

"She's fine; how could _she_ hurt us?" William waves the guards off from attacking her – or rather, pushing her away (it's all about the wording these days) – and simply moves closer to the shaking Amelie himself. "Are you alright? What's your name?" he asks her gently, Kate moving with him to see the woman who is about to collapse to her knees in giddy delight that she is near this couple.

"I'm Ammy… I mean, Amelie… and oh, I watched your wedding on the television," she sighs and they both blush, remembering the calamity with the ring not fitting her finger properly… it's all sized to fit _just_ right now though! "Wow, this is just amazing… I love you! Marry _me_!" she wails, clutching out at Will, having entirely forgotten about the existence of Sam in her little dream world where _she_ becomes the new Queen of England and not Kate.

Of course, the bride's face is a picture and she waves forwards some of the security detail to deal with Amelie. But, this being Amelie even though she is extremely drunk and high on the concoction of drugs Myrnin gave her, she doesn't go without a fight, struggling with the security. She _still_ doesn't have vampire strength or speed, so is simply wrestling with men and women (have to be gender equal in this day and age) who are _much_ bigger than herself, until…

BOOM!

One of them hit her on the back of the head and she cries out in pain before sinking to the floor, entirely unconscious. "It's safe now," one of the people who caused Amelie's body to fall to the ground announces to the cowering royal couple, just as a curly haired Myrnin arrives.

"I'm _so_ sorry for my friend; she is a little drunk and got confused," he explains in a charming voice that doesn't wash with the guards. After all, _she_ was pretty and turned out to be an entire nutjob in their minds, so how bad could _he_ be? Let's not answer that… after all, all there is _really_ is suffering from a disease, killing thousands of people, being bipolar… oh and being a vampire. Practising alchemy doesn't _really_ cut it on that list, does it? But perhaps cutting out his ex girlfriend's _brain_ ranks.

"What's _your_ name?" one of the more menacing guards asks bluntly and Myrnin has to fight to keep control of his temper – he doesn't want to have to kill them _all: _he has no need for all that blood and it would be a waste.

"Me… I am…" he trails off, deciding that his name is _way_ too old fashioned (and, in fact, a girl's name) to be plausible today. "I am Merlin!" he announces proudly, causing the guards to crack up.

"_Merlin_?" Kate confirms, connecting the dots to the TV show Camelot and the whole King Arthur thing. "Like, as in Arthur's Merlin?" she continues and Myrnin nods excitedly.

"Yep, like that but of _course_ I'm not that old – I'd be long dead!" he quickly confirms, making himself seem more than a little suspicious.

"Your friend seemed a little excited to see us… do _you_ know who we are?" Will asks, his ego as to being recognised wanting to have another boost. Myrnin, sorry _Merlin_, takes a long hard look at the two of them, a smile playing on his lips.

"I haven't _slept_ with you, have I dear?" he confirms with Kate, evidently recognising her from somewhere. She blushes beetroot red but shakes her head vehemently, causing Myrnin to look disappointed. "In that case, no, mate, I haven't a damned _clue_ who you are!" he answers.

"We're… oh, never mind – where's the nearest hotel around here?" William asks sharply, more than a little disappointed at not being recognised.

"Hotel? There isn't hotels in Morganville!" Myrnin laughs, bending over and picking Amelie up with one arm. "You could try, I _supposed_ the Day house down there, but I doubt she'll answer this late at night… unfortunately, my assistant Claire has come down with a _dreadful_ illness so she can't have anyone… I don't know what to say," he continues, something about these people suggesting that he _shouldn't_ tell them that he has basically drugged half of his 'friends'.

"What about with you?" Kate suggests but Myrnin instantly shakes his head.

"I live in a laboratory because I have no need for a house: if anyone touched _anything_ in there, I would kill you," he says, entirely seriously. "Also, I only have one room with a single bed in it, so nowhere near enough room… you could always try the police station?"

William decides that now is the time to play the royalty card. "We are William and Kate, second in line to the throne of England – I think we're above sleeping in a prison cell for the night!" he snaps at Myrnin who shrugs his shoulders, not caring.

"That's where I recognise you from: I took stills from your wedding and drew devil horns on your heads," he says, nothing in his voice indicating he is joking. "Your entire family tree went downline after the dear Elizabeth the First… the rest of you are fakes and need to be pruned! Goodbye!" he snaps, rushing off at a human speed with Amelie, heading into the graveyard on his way back to the house where Amelie lives. But then he runs back, a worried expression on his face, without Amelie and says, "By the way, if you see anyone lurking around in the streets, _do_ tell them that Amelie says hello as soon as you see them… it doesn't matter why!" and with that, he runs back off to Amelie, leaving them all perplexed!

"Well he was strange," Kate comments as they continue on their path into Morganville.

"Strange doesn't cover it!" William says, still slightly stung about the whole problem with not being recognised, then the devil horns and then the whole 'you're not a good royal' thing…

For three hours, they search the streets, looking for a hotel or something in which to stay, but they find nothing. Finally, they decide that the best choice is to go to the prison and say who they are and hopefully get somewhere to stay there, so they trudge to the prison where Hannah Moses greets them.

"What are you guys doing here? I didn't know you had plans to move to America!" she exclaims as she instantly recognises the party of royal security staff with the pair.

"We aren't… it's a long story but we need somewhere to stay tonight; is there anywhere?" Kate asks tetchily, her feet hurting from walking for like four hours now. Hannah instantly nods, pulling her phone out and dialling a number.

"Amelie?" she says the name of the woman that they were attacked by earlier and the royals groan. "Oh… she's _what_? Well there are the royal couple… _Merlin_? What drugs are you on _now_, to be call-… ooohh, right yeah… ok… so no? ok then, bye," she hangs up after talking to Myrnin/Merlin and turns back to the pair.

"So is there a location in which for us to rest?" Will asks and she nods again.

"I'm afraid… apparently, our ruler is a little hammered tonight for some reason, so you can't stay at her house," Hannah begins. "The Mayor is currently out of town and his little sister is having a party so you don't want to stay there… so the only place left is the prison cells, I'm afraid."

"_Please_, can we stay with you?" Kate begs but Hannah shakes her head.

"I live with the mayor so I'm not going home till he is back," she says, causing Kate to bang her head on the desk in frustration.

"Fine, we'll stay here," they finally agree and get given the _luxury_ room where the prison staff usually have their breaks in whilst their staff are treat like criminals and thrown in the cells.

So Kate and William don't have a pleasant stay in Morganville and leave as soon as dawn breaks… a plus side is that they don't know about the vampires!

… or _do_ they?

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**Random, I know, but it was funny to write!**

**And the storyline was more funny than really a storyline… still, I liked it! I hope you did as well! **

**Please review!**

**Vicky xx**


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